Coping

Find much more on Coping at Dee's Blog

There are very few "must's" in survivorship, so I use the word sparingly. Yet there are two essential ones: Initially, a person MUST focus on mere survival. In time, recovering people MUST move out of the near-sightedness that trauma causes in order to rebuild a new life.

My husband Ron often, in speaking of his own suffering as a result of working for change in religious systems, says: "Thank God for the trouble I have NOT had."

Having seen many people suffering from various losses and problems as immense as war, severe malnutrition, or having to walk for miles to find a drop of water, we have tried to focus beyond ourselves, encouraging others to do that over time, in order to put things in perspective. Whenever I do, I soon find myself counting blessings, rather than obsessing over the multiple agonies I've personally encountered, as well as the ones I've witnessed. Yet I must also focus on those agonies and revisit them from time to time if I am to keep a sane balance.

Below are some articles I've written that may assist you to develop new ways of thinking. For new thinking can lead to new ways of coping. This eventually results in less self-absorption and fewer unrealistic expectations.

Of course, we have to be cautious about what we incorporate. Some new thinking can contribute to a reversal of our coping abilities so that it results in regression or staying stuck. Heaven forbid!

The following helps, recorded more than a decade ago, offer insights and timeless coping strategies that have often worked for patients or readers of mine. I welcome questions and comments via email.

PODCAST #1: Music and Healing

PODCAST #2: The Story of Nobuko Oyabu, an amazingly resilient young woman who managed to get justice in Illinois, then came to Omaha, where she reached out and connected with me, then went on to create a worldwide outreach, combining her passion with award-winning skills as a professional photo-journalist to share her Christian message on Lifetime TV, at the Capitol in Washington D. C., and now in Japan.

PODCAST #3: What if Nothing Changes?

PODCAST #4: Seven Commandments for Survivors

Three additional podcasts were recorded to address the complex issues of Southern Baptists in 2008 as they put forth enormous efforts to try to preserve the system that so often fails to protect children and vulnerable adults from sexual abuse by Baptist ministers in this, the largest of all Protestant denominations. Miller explains why it is wishful thinking to believe that these problems can be adequately addressed without making some structural changes that are held as what her husband Ron refers to as "sacred cows" of this denomination.

PODCAST #5: Wishful Thinking of Southern Baptists in 2008, Part 1

PODCAST #6: Wishful Thinking of Southern Baptists in 2008, Part 2

PODCAST #7: Wishful Thinking of Southern Baptists in 2008, Part 3

See also John Bradshaw's Words on Secrecy and

Coping with Christmas by Dee Ann Miller

You will find related insights at:

Dee’s books and “Just for the Brave” are also filled with insights on coping.