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Sun 10/12/2008
Fear
Topic: coping
McCain says "The greatest economic crisis of our lifetime" when he speaks of the current situation. My mother must be laughing. Of course, she's older than McCain. However, she has kept very fresh in her mind and in mine the Great Depression. So this is certainly not the greatest economic crisis of her lifetime--McCain needs to change his pronoun to "my." The old adage came from Roosevelt, back in those awful 30's: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think this may very well apply to today's situation, as well. Fear is not the only thing we have to fear in our lives. Not in every situation. Sometimes fear is helpful in our choice of reactions, especially when we are in imminent danger. The problem comes when we blow it out of proportion and let it rule our lives and our reactions to everything we do and everything we hear. I'm refusing to do that, but it's a lot of work to keep things in perspective.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fear
Topic: coping
McCain says "The greatest economic crisis of our lifetime" when he speaks of the current situation. My mother must be laughing. Of course, she's older than McCain. However, she has kept very fresh in her mind and in mine the Great Depression. So this is certainly not the greatest economic crisis of her lifetime--McCain needs to change his pronoun to "my." The old adage came from Roosevelt, back in those awful 30's: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think this may very well apply to today's situation, as well. Fear is not the only thing we have to fear in our lives. Not in every situation. Sometimes fear is helpful in our choice of reactions, especially when we are in imminent danger. The problem comes when we blow it out of proportion and let it rule our lives and our reactions to everything we do and everything we hear. I'm refusing to do that, but it's a lot of work to keep things in perspective.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Thu 10/09/2008
New Perspectives Bring Comfort
Topic: coping
Traumas and griefs kind of have a way of layering, one thing on top of another. So whatever technique works to alleviate the weight of one of the layers may help to alleviate the entire column that builds over time. One of the best techniques I know is being used right now--in the economic crisis--by the media. They are helping us to focus, sometimes, on the individual blessings we do have. Or, in another way of looking at it, the problems we have not sustained. They are helping us to even see how we can be kinder to the world around us and the world beyond our own little worlds. This morning someone sent me an e-mail about a Malawian-born woman who is making a big difference in her native country, while working in America. Like many people who immigrated to this country, she is sending a third of her $3000 per month back to where so many of her relatives have died. In a sense, demonstrating to the rest of us that we are blessed and can reach out to others, even in our own sorrow.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 3:25 PM CDT
Updated: Thu 10/09/2008 3:27 PM CDT
Wed 10/01/2008
Revisiting a Place or Time
Topic: coping
As we learn to re-shape our stories, by going back over them many times, they certainly do take on new meaning. Gelder suggests that it is good to either go back to the place where something meaningful happened or to try to re-create that place in our minds. Either way can help us to see and feel the story in a different way. Each time we go back, we are able to do this. As we mature and get older and wiser, the feelings eventually can change, as well. Partly because we may be able to increasingly separate from that moment and its feelings. Or from a place and the feelings it evokes. Several years ago, I took my husband back to see the house where my family and I lived when I was in high school. It was a joyous time in many ways. For I loved school there and had some wonderful teachers. A few good friends that helped me understand myself and begin to blossom, too. It was in the church there that I began to recognize and develop some of my unique strengths and abilities. It was also a very sad time in some ways--like so many things in life, there were strong contrasts. My mother was quite ill when I was in high school. The lot of being the "mother" to my much younger siblings fell to me. It was a role I really did not mind or resent back then, but I have since come to realize how much my mother's illness robbed me of much of my adolescence while it taught me coping skills and self-esteem that have continued to come in very handy throughout my life. Only as an adult, looking back on the story, have I gotten in touch with my fears and sadness that often clouded the brightness of those days. The canvas on which life was painted had many colors in those years, and the picture was certainly unique--one of those stories that is very hard to capture in words. As an adult, I've always seen that house where we lived as a large and luxurious home. Truth is it was, compared to all the other places we had lived. The others had been older and more on the humble side, though my mother and I were quick to make them colorful and homey as soon as we could after moving in to each place. Somehow this place in Ardmore, Oklahoma was far from the sprawling place I remembered, however. Time had re-shaped my ideas and opinions about what constitutes luxury. It was quite small, in fact. The beautiful brick was no longer so pretty. The one-car garage didn't look up-to-date at all. Certainly no longer a place of luxury. It even needed a paint job. Going back allowed me to revisit the house, but more importantly the sounds and feelings of some of the stories that have helped make me into the person I am today. What places do you possibly need to revisit?
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Thu 10/02/2008 11:35 AM CDT
Tue 09/23/2008
Keeping the Wild Life Reserves from Becoming Dangerous
Topic: coping
Back in the 80's when we were living in Malawi, a young mother and her daughter were walking in an area near a wild life reserve. It was located right in the heart of a major city, however. Generally, the wild animals did not leave their protected area. This time, unfortunately, one did. When it was least expected--right in the heat of the day! The result was disastrous. The young girl, walking ahead of her mother, was suddenly attacked by a hyena. In order to save her daughter, the mother distracted the hyena, who then turned on her and bit off several of her fingers before somebody managed to come to her rescue and somehow scare the animal so that it ran off into the woods. I do not recall what decisions were made about tracking down the wild animal; but as I recall, people were quite certain it would be impossible to even do so. People could only look at the story and learn from it, drawing conclusions as best they could about what actions to take in the future--in regard to city politics, as well as individual actions for self-protection. The protected area had always been considered quite safe for visitors, as well as wild life. There were rules so that hikers did not trespass onto the rights of animals. It was as though there was invisible fencing around the wild life reserve. Nobody knows what went wrong, but the results sent shivers down the spines of the city's residents as they read the paper telling of the incident. It was a strong reminder that we must be vigilant, and that there are limitations and unpredictable outcomes at times, even when we've lived for years in harmony with others who are enjoying the wild life areas. So do we want to do away with the areas where we can learn and explore and consider how we want to believe and live in connection with other creatures, including people who are also learning and exploring, learning to tame the wildernesses of their lives? Or do we want to just work to make them safer while respecting the choices of those who choose to use the areas and choose where and how they will roam? Those are the big questions that keep environmentalists, as well as politicians, engaged in conversations that aren't about to end anytime soon. They are the same nature of conversations that take place in our institutions when it comes to what we do with people who act like wild animals. Keeping the freedom to think and move, while still enjoying the advantages of the wild life, is indeed a challenge!
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Sun 09/21/2008
Confucius Says
Topic: coping
As Confucius saw it, we stand in a fast-flowing stream, with our backs to the past. We look into the future as we also are feeling the present and seeing the things closest to us. At least, it seems that's how he thought it should be in a healthy state. The strong current comes from the past, and it is continually pressing in on us so that the present and the future is interpreted according to how we are currently perceiving the past. Our perceptions change as each new wave hits us, bringing with it the opportunity to see the present and future in a different way as we evolve. The important thing is to stay standing. We cannot allow the past to wash us away or make us topple over. For it's definitely hard to see downstream at all if we allow the past to be our primary focus. "Forgetting what is behind, I press on....." or look forward, counting my blessings for what I still possess and for my potential in the days ahead.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fri 09/19/2008
The Darkest, Brightest Wilderness
Topic: coping
It seems that the darkest places to be--the ones that seem most like wilderness--are the deepest recesses of our hearts. The longer they are neglected, the darker they become, the more difficult it is to make these places into lovely "wild life" areas. Yet they also hold the potential for being the brightest places, for there are both unknown shadows and unknown places of intense light in those recesses. To avoid entering is to avoid experiencing the greatest joys, even as we attempt to avoid the sorrows that come because we are afraid to explore.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 10:38 AM CDT
Sun 09/14/2008
Life in the Wild
Topic: coping
Been reading some about life in the wild lately. Not just the actual areas where wildlife abounds in our world. Also, about the rich experience of living where few people live because of life's choices. It occurred to me yesterday that one has to be very alert to live in the wilderness, where everything is unknown and people are definitely not in control. The wilderness is where nothing is predictable, and all we can do is move by faith and a hope that there will be something that will allow us to at least survive the raw elements. According to Leslie Van Gelder, in her new book WEAVING A WAY HOME, life in the wild isn't the same as the wilderness. "The Wild" is where others have gone, but it's still untamed territory. There is much to learn and explore there, yet we have a better idea how to survive. Some of you have lived in the wilderness, as I have--a spiritual wilderness, that is. Where few survive for long. Maybe you have found your way into the wild, where there is a little more comfort due to experience, so that it is beginning to feel like home.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 1:37 PM CDT
Thu 09/11/2008
Seeing through the Lens Backwards
Topic: coping
It's impossible to see much through lenses that are on another person's face. This is what prompts the rest of the message about Transition lenses. Not only do we, as individuals, have to be patient with our own need for transition lenses. We have to respect the need of others to have them--not just our own rights to have them--as we are adjusting to the light. Anyone wearing such lenses has the choice of removing the glasses at any time and putting on another pair that does not block the light. Or just seeing things through their own bare eyes, if they are able to do so. Choosing to remove the sunglasses or transition lenses either one IS a choice. It allows us to see colors more brilliantly and to realize that there are many different shades of color in our world--each representative the complexities of our world and all of it's issues. This is the part that is often hard for me to remember, but it carries a spiritual message. No matter what my concern, I need to be very careful about how I try to "remove the log from another's eyes." Or the lenses that may be self-protective or even in the process of coming off. For the speck in my own eye may prevent me from noticing the subtle movements toward change in vision that another person or institution may be slowly making. I can actually, if too critical or condemning, delay the decision to look fully at the light of day. It's a tricky work indeed. It's a lesson very much applicable on 9-11. For it applies to world affairs as much as individual ones.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 10:46 AM CDT
Wed 09/10/2008
The Tinted Lens
Topic: coping
Heard the term again just yesterday. An elderly woman I've known for years said that she sees some things through jaundiced lenses now, after being betrayed by her church after experiencing clergy sexual abuse. Jaundiced eyes or lenses can be caused by many experiences in life, of course. Yet this friend of mine can be so much fun, so much of a joy to be with. She demonstrates the wisdom of sages in many areas, with incredible insight. Maybe that's because the lenses I use are also jaundiced in some ways. Sometimes I am more disturbed by people who see things with rose-colored glasses, however. Whether steeped in idealism or cynicism, it's hard to carry on a real conversation about a lot of things unless both parties are willing to adjust the tint on their lenses. I think some folks sell these lenses--under the name of Transition Lenses. Good name and a great idea! In fact, I had some Transition lenses years ago, before I got my contacts. They are much preferred to having no sunglasses at all. For our eyes do need relief at times, when the light of day gets too bright. Transition lenses do not make our view jaundiced. Nor rose-colored. They give us time to adjust to the light and then to see things more clearly. As I see it, that's a very good thing! As long as they adjust as needed to make the light bearable enough to really see and keep our eyes healthy.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 7:54 AM CDT
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