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Fri 10/17/2008
Following "Idols"
Topic: spirituality
A lady by the name of Robin was on the Today show this morning. Chosen because, for the past year, she's been doing everything that Oprah prefaces with "you just have to do this" or "have to have this." She's spent about $3000 already buying things that Oprah says we all need--I doubt anything I have is on the list except for low-heel shoes (probably not the ones she recommends, though). Robin isn't necessarily an Oprah fan, though it sounds like she admires her about as much as I do. She just wanted to make a very good point. Wanted to show just how ridiculous life can become if one unquestionably follows anyone.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 9:07 AM CDT
Tue 10/14/2008
Patience Wanted, Not Perfection
Topic: Making Changes
Some people, including many of my students, believe that patience and passivity go hand in hand. They do not know the difference. This goes for some of the parents of students, as well. Problem is that they want me to be patient when they are passive. Or pretending. Both of the latter P words refer to another P word. Spelled with a big P. You guessed it--Practice! What makes a good teacher is the same that thing makes a good student. That leads to a 5th P word. Persistence. Whether we are dealing with systems or working on ourselves, a sixth P word needs to be eliminated. That would be Perfection. Occasionally, we'll get things perfect. Problem with piano, like a lot of things in life, is that what one person sees as perfect, the next will only see as Progress. Sometimes my students come in thinking they've gotten something perfect, only to find out that I see their "accomplishment" as Pitiful! Depending on my mood that day, I may not be as patient as they would like when that occurs. On my good days, I'll resort to just being persistent and give them a good lecture on the importance of paying closer attention to the details they are supposed to consider important already. That is, if they want to make music rather than just a bunch of strident noise. Practice does NOT make perfect--at least not usually. It does make Progress in all of us. Keeping this in mind is essential, as we patiently approach our own personal struggles, system challenges, or with individuals who can drive us insane.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 1:59 PM CDT
Mon 10/13/2008
Stress Relievers
Topic: coping
This weekend, Ron and I acquired two precious little kittens. Brothers--we think they are brothers. At least they are siblings. As different as daylight and dark. In fact, we could have named the grey one Night and the yellow one Sunshine. Our 9-year-old neighbor had different ideas, and we liked hers. Even before she saw them, just from the description, she decided they should be Thunder and Light'ning. I spent the weekend studying them, sharing them with the neighbors, attending to their needs. Although, when our kids were young, we had several litters of kittens and puppies both, I suppose I had less time for them back then than I do now. Or maybe I've just become more observant. At any rate, I was amazed at the difference in the personalities of these sweet creatures. Sunshine, who looks like a tiger, is the very pro-active one. Or impulsive, depending on how you look at things from a kitten's point of view. The fluffy grey one, Thunder, seems to accomplish just as much as Sunshine. Yet Thunder sits back and watches to see how Sunshine approaches things before Thunder joins in. At one point, Sunshine was even bossy. Crying to the top of his voice, leading me to believe something was wrong. Not in the least, I discovered. He was calling his brother to get out of his bed and come eat. Don't tell the cat experts--these are farm cats. We are keeping them outdoors by choice. I'm thinking, as I watch them develop, perhaps I will examine their individual traits. In my old age, I'm leaning more toward being a Thunder. Of course, the way I see it, Thunder has nothing wrong with his voice. He's just making choices that aren't quite as frisky. Perhaps with more contemplation than his brother--who knows? And maybe I should add, who cares?
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 7:47 AM CDT
Sun 10/12/2008
Fear
Topic: coping
McCain says "The greatest economic crisis of our lifetime" when he speaks of the current situation. My mother must be laughing. Of course, she's older than McCain. However, she has kept very fresh in her mind and in mine the Great Depression. So this is certainly not the greatest economic crisis of her lifetime--McCain needs to change his pronoun to "my." The old adage came from Roosevelt, back in those awful 30's: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think this may very well apply to today's situation, as well. Fear is not the only thing we have to fear in our lives. Not in every situation. Sometimes fear is helpful in our choice of reactions, especially when we are in imminent danger. The problem comes when we blow it out of proportion and let it rule our lives and our reactions to everything we do and everything we hear. I'm refusing to do that, but it's a lot of work to keep things in perspective.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fear
Topic: coping
McCain says "The greatest economic crisis of our lifetime" when he speaks of the current situation. My mother must be laughing. Of course, she's older than McCain. However, she has kept very fresh in her mind and in mine the Great Depression. So this is certainly not the greatest economic crisis of her lifetime--McCain needs to change his pronoun to "my." The old adage came from Roosevelt, back in those awful 30's: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think this may very well apply to today's situation, as well. Fear is not the only thing we have to fear in our lives. Not in every situation. Sometimes fear is helpful in our choice of reactions, especially when we are in imminent danger. The problem comes when we blow it out of proportion and let it rule our lives and our reactions to everything we do and everything we hear. I'm refusing to do that, but it's a lot of work to keep things in perspective.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fri 10/10/2008
The Power of Creative Crisis
Topic: Power
Today, I speak to you totally out of my role as a piano teacher. Yet what I have to say relates so much to the process of impacting individual lives and institutional dynamics, as well.
Sometimes, as a teacher, I create crises. It may appear to be a semi-involuntary response. It may even feel like that. Yet I've seen it coming for a while and usually am rather certain that it's highly unlikely to avoid a crisis. I do it when I sense that the student or his or her family are going down the wrong road and refuse to wake up. Knowing that occasionally a family does.
You see, families often think that learning to play the piano is play. Now, play is optional, right? It's an important part of our lives, but we can play the way we want to play and choose what we want to do in a whole realm of what constitutes play. What I often wonder is if the parents have had this same pattern growing up and are now unable to cope with the demands of responsible parenting. It's difficult to tell. There are some things I know for a fact, though.......
Learning to play the piano is not a matter of life and death, and I never want it to be. It IS, however, a matter of commitment to a very difficult task that will eventually allow the student to truly play the piano--at a time when working to learn something new is going to be a lot more fun than in the initial stages. One of my colleagues with a highly respectable record recently told me that she had picked up only two new students this fall. "Both of them decided it was just too much work for them," she said with a chuckle.
The problem with individuals learning skills that have the potential for lasting a lifetime is that it is a lot of work. This is true for institutions, as well, if they have had a history of pretending to be something that the institution obviously is not. It is a lot of work to face the depth of reality that is required to develop character and responsibility.
So here's the crux of it all: It is just totally against my philosophy to contribute to the developing irresponsibility in a kid, even though that refusal has cost me quite a few students. It is, likewise, against my philosophy to spend much time with people or institutions that are irresponsible or immature. If that sounds selfish and demanding, that may very well be a good assessment.
What happens when we create crises? We may end up the losers of some things and winners of others. There is a price to pay. What is remarkable, however, is how many times I've seen my students turn around, just as I did my patients in mental health nursing, when I have the courage to hold the boundaries and keep the crisis alive! To that I'm committed, and it's not child's play doing it.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 11:02 AM CDT
Thu 10/09/2008
New Perspectives Bring Comfort
Topic: coping
Traumas and griefs kind of have a way of layering, one thing on top of another. So whatever technique works to alleviate the weight of one of the layers may help to alleviate the entire column that builds over time. One of the best techniques I know is being used right now--in the economic crisis--by the media. They are helping us to focus, sometimes, on the individual blessings we do have. Or, in another way of looking at it, the problems we have not sustained. They are helping us to even see how we can be kinder to the world around us and the world beyond our own little worlds. This morning someone sent me an e-mail about a Malawian-born woman who is making a big difference in her native country, while working in America. Like many people who immigrated to this country, she is sending a third of her $3000 per month back to where so many of her relatives have died. In a sense, demonstrating to the rest of us that we are blessed and can reach out to others, even in our own sorrow.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 3:25 PM CDT
Updated: Thu 10/09/2008 3:27 PM CDT
Wed 10/08/2008
Security Comes in Many Different Flavors
Topic: spirituality
"As long as there are garage sales, free libraries, and ad matches," I recently told a gracious checker at my nearby super market, "I'm going to do just fine." Being able to enjoy the simple things of life is one of the greatest securities I know. And it DOUBLES! Not talking about doubling coupons here either. It doubles because that philosophy is what feeds me both economically and spiritually. It's something the Quakers seem to have learned long ago. Long before people thought much about the stock market or how to "bail it out."
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Tue 10/07/2008
Difficulty in Protecting Children in Nebraska
Topic: Making Decisions
Even with the best of intentions, lawmakers and social service agencies can find it difficult to protect vulnerable children. Those of us who live near the Omaha-Lincoln, Nebraska metro have gotten a stark reminder in the last couple of weeks. Not long ago NE lawmakers passed a law to protect infants who might be abandoned by their birth mothers. At least, that was the intent. Apparently, some had fears that the law would be misused by distraught parents of older children. The wording technically allowed children up the age of 19 to be dropped off at any hospital with parents not being held responsible for abandoning their children. There would be no questions asked, according to the plan. In the past two weeks, almost 20 children have been dropped off--9 in one family, when their overwhelmed father decided he was unable to cope with the children after their mother died a year or two ago. Then, heaven forbid, the courts and the Dept. of Human Services couldn't agree on where the kids should live. Sleeping two to a bed, even in a loving relative's home, the courts said, wasn't good for the kids--even if it was a temporary arrangement and even if the home had been approved by DHS. So the kids, already in grief from losing a mother, were footballs. All because we haven't learned how to be a "village" who cares for our children emotionally. It will take time, but people are working on the problem. Somehow trying to keep children (and, in this case, a father) from being left out, unaware that there are safe places they can go when life throws them a curve they cannot manage.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 8:08 AM CDT
Sun 10/05/2008
This Song Says It All
Topic: music
Edward A. McDowell, Jr. wrote the words back in 1954. The song is "Ordained of God," and I believe pertains to anyone who has an important message. This certainly includes those of us who are working to address the problems of sexual and domestic abuse. For it is a work of prophecy, and we must never forget this. I'm offering stanza 1 of the song, since they especially pertain to this work: "Ordained of God, true Prophets rise. They seek not gain nor earthly prize. They heed the challenge of Christ's call. They ask to give and spend their all." May we claim our ordination, knowing that this is the only source we need in order to do this work effectively.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
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