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Tue 06/17/2008
When Hospitality Doesn't Come Easy
Topic: Making Changes
It comes naturally for me, offering hospitality to people who are different. I've had a lot of practice, through most of my various ministries in life. Yet it's not always easy. What I'm working on these days is trying to be more hospitable to people who don't seem to have a basic education in sensitivity to the needs of vulnerable people. Not only to survivors of sexual and domestic violence. Also to immigrants. The homeless. Single mothers. Especially those in faraway countries where getting resources is complicated by poor decision-making here, that benefits those of us who don't even realize how rich we are. Some days it takes more patience than I have. Yet I was reminded Sunday that being hospitable means respectfully listening to ignorance. Seems to help if I remind myself that sometimes, by listening, I get a broader education and a chance to reconsider opinions that I hold. As well as a chance to offer some of my own that might bring small changes in the other. Provided they are able to be hospitable, as well. In that process, sometimes my own ignorance is exposed. And that brings some painful learning!
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Mon 06/16/2008
Hospitality--It Works
Topic: Making Changes
Hospitality isn't just about giving a glass of cold lemonade to someone on a summer day. It can be. Yet it may not even be about being a formal host or hostess in your own home. According to my pastor yesterday, it's about welcoming people into your life, taking time for them, listening, sharing. It's even about welcoming people that most people do NOT welcome. Being hospitable may make us feel uncomfortable, as we learn to be comfortable with strangers. Offering hospitality to strangers is what this site is all about. It's a way of saying: "Come on in!" Some of you are a part of that--you once came, as a stranger, but now are finding ways to welcome other people into your life who are not likely to find a welcome in most circles. Keep it up or get started if you haven't. And don't be surprised if it turns out to be reciprocal. Hospitality is contagious. It's healing. It allows us to rebound from all sorts of injuries. Over and over and over again.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 6:54 AM CDT
Sun 06/15/2008
One in Three
Topic: Power
Power to change the world resides in organizations of all sorts. We see change when we collaborate, whether we are working as individuals in a task or joining hands with others in organized efforts. We writers, though we often work in what seems to be isolation, really don't at all. I've been spending hours thinking of questions to ask various people, interviewing others, and waiting to hear from some who already have inquiries. This is collaborative work, even on the days when I feel very much alone. If we are to combat the powerful ideas that destroy people, we must take a long look at history. And a wide look at what others are doing and saying. One organization that is especially powerful in our world is One in Three. I'm especially impressed with their newsletter this month. So impressed that I've asked to quote a chunk of it in the article I'm writing for a bunch of people who wouldn't likely ever know they existed. Take a look: http://oneinthreewomen.com/June_2008_Newsletter.pdf and if you are grasping at straws, trying to find a way to make a difference in this big, needy world of ours, this international organization might be a good avenue for you.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Sun 06/15/2008 6:48 AM CDT
Fri 06/13/2008
The Power of Ideas
Topic: Power
It's a subtle power, Hillman points out, yet perhaps the most important in the world. The power of ideas, that is. When new ideologies are injected into our world by individuals who have powers that this world does not understand, support and a growth along with a unification of various ideas that are breaking through consciousness all work together to create a new world. As we evolve, through the Powers of the written word, the traditions that we choose to keep, and many other factors come into play. Ideas alone do not create change. New ideas have the potential to start change, however. So keep imagining good things that are realistic. Take time to also imagine some fantasy along the way. It can be fun. Just continue to sort out what is realistic and what is not in order to keep yourself sane in the "tragic gap" where you dwell. There's power in what may come from these activities. Power to change the world, starting with ourselves.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Thu 06/12/2008
The Power of Being Prepared
Topic: Power
Last night it was well illustrated. This morning a 13-year-old made national news as he spoke on the TODAY show about the importance of being prepared. You may have heard the story already. In this area, we heard bits and pieces as the facts were slowly revealed and the increasing horrors of death and injury. All in a Boy Scout camp that was demolished, with only a few seconds of warning from a scout master. Four dead--apparently from a fireplace toppling onto them. These families may have been further traumatized by the common statement that was just made this morning by a survivor. "I'm here, by the grace of God." I cringe each time I hear that statement. I do not believe that God choose to save one person and sits by, watching another be killed, refusing to use "His Mighty Power." Four young men were simply not among the many fortunate ones who missed being fatal victims. They were in the wrong place and the wrong time, even though they were following all recommendations they had been taught. Let's get real here! According to one young man, it was the best place for it to happen. For the Boy Scouts, unlike most 13-year-olds, have extensive training in what to do. They immediately sprung into action. It is important that we consider that horrors CAN happen in our world, all sorts of horrors, to imagine the possibility while telling ourselves it's not likely to happen to us but could, then to go on with our lives, through the power of preparation. It does pay off. Still, may we never forget that no matter how prepared we are, there will still be many things beyond our control. For the power of nature that can both bless us and destroy us, the power of fireplaces that usually warm us but can also be dangerous places to be, must be recognized and reckoned with. Just like the power of institutions that still give authority to people who would prefer turning back the tide so that women and children are simply "seen and not heard."
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 7:33 AM CDT
Updated: Thu 06/12/2008 8:22 AM CDT
Wed 06/11/2008
The Weight on My Shoulders
Topic: Making Changes
According to spinal x-rays, some of the vertebrae between my shoulder blades have rotated. Not sure when it happened. Could be congenital, I'm told. Or could be from the weakening of upper torso muscles caused by multiple surgeries in the course of breast cancer treatment. Whatever the cause, it can never be totally reversed. Just managed. So this means, along with yoga and making regular visits to the chiropractor, I'm trying my best to stay off the computer more. Trying, but not likely to do very well there because this is where my passion plays out best. In writing and web work. This morning, after several weeks of doing very well in pain management through some lifestyle changes, I noticed that the fatigue in my shoulders had hit the highest peak it has in weeks--since I found out what the real problem is and began treatment. Then, kaboom! It hit me. While part of the reason for the verbebrae rotation has to do with other factors, no doubt, it definitely is aggravated when I'm working on an unusually weighty article for publication. This is the case. Much of that work goes on in my head, so I'm not really at the computer more than usual. Yet, the fatigue in my upper torse is SO obvious, even after a good night's sleep! I believe it is because the work that I do, in advocacy, has life and death implications--literally--as I attempt to teach people, through my writing, why it is so important to do some things that are so obvious to me that I still am baffled that I'm even doing this work! Better go do my yoga.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Tue 06/10/2008
Correction Please
Topic: Power
Did you catch the misquote of Scripture in Sunday's blog? matthew 5 doesn't read: "blessed are the pure in spirit" Instead of "pure," it says "poor." Okay, I admit that I didn't catch it either. However, just like in music, sometimes I like my mistakes better than the way the music is written. Think about it. Maybe we are talking about one and the same--at least closer than people who are in control of systems (or think they are in control) like to think.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 9:18 AM CDT
Mon 06/09/2008
A Trite Subject
Topic: Making Changes
I heard it said again today, as I often do by well-meaning people. Something about the clergy sexual abuse story having not even been broken when my book How Little We Knew was published in 1993. Actually, the story was broken in 1986, when the first Catholic case was broadcast by Newsweek, along with the mention of various other cases that the author stated would lead us to believe that these were just the tip of the icebergs. "The problem is that people just didn't hear the glass shattering," I replied. The story has broken again and again and again, though the masses didn't hear much glass until 2001. Every story should make us sit up and take notice, to see what we can learn. Because EVERY story has a lesson. Every story rings an alarm bell louder than the last. Today the Austin Statesman helped to once again shatter the myths to a wider audience. This one about Southern Baptists. See http://www.statesman.com/search/content/news/stories/local/06/09/0609brown.html Of course, it's not the first time that glass has been shattered. I first made a lot of noise back in 1993. As we continue to have the glass shattered over and over again, in every group, it's getting harder to ignore. Yet no easier to bring prosecution against autonomous congregations that are far different from the first Catholic case that broke in 1986. Hats off to Christa Brown for picking up the torch and finding journalists more willing to listen than they were a few years ago. We'll see how many really have ears.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 8:54 PM CDT
Sun 06/08/2008
Kinds of Power
Topic: Power
Seems to me that most of us are often confused by the rather elusive language of the Beatitudes. You know....."bessed are they that mourn" for example. For survivors of trauma, all of those blessed's seem to fit. Problem is that it's hard to understand the blessed part. We can relate well to the "they that" parts. Lately, I've been revisiting the "blessed are the pure in spirit." My interest was peaked because of a study on the kinds of power, in preparation for an important writing assignment I have. Author James Hillman, in his book KINDS OF POWER, shows that the way we talk about power is inadequate. I've felt that way a long time, as I've heard statements from experts on sexual and domestic violence. The talk about "power abuse" fits. Yet it is also very simplistic unless there is a more indepth discussion provided on the meaning of power. One that actually shows that professionals only hold certain kinds of power. When I would quietly question this, I felt intimidated. Since finding Hillman's work, I realize that this expert of experts on power is empowering me to believe in some of the concepts I've longed to communicate for years. They are concepts that, if we are not careful, can sound like we are minimizing the power of perpetrators. Actually, when studied in depth, though, we find ourselves neither minimzing power nor denying the power that is each of us. We do not blame victims by this study, though it may appear that we are initially. Instead we sort of poke fun at the power of the perpetrator, showing that they really are NOT so powerful as both they and we imagine. Because they do not possess REAL power. They only possess the illusion of control and authority. An illusion that, when recognized, empowers survivors and shows--at least in the survivor's mind and spirit, where things really matter--the internal fear and impotency of the perpetrator.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fri 06/06/2008
Appreciating Ambiguity in Feelings
Topic: coping
Recently, during a visit with extended family, I discovered something I never knew about how I effect others. It's probably an issue you have encountered, with being in one role or the other. It's not about road rage, but about the habit that a lot of us in the family have had. Including my father who passed it on to me, so he still "lives" in me even though he's been dead for almost a quarter of a century. It's something that makes my mother very upset, but she tends to mostly internalize this. So I'm just now learning how upset it makes her when I do something that's so habitual that I'd find very hard to break. I'm talking about when I talk out loud to other drivers that I find annoying. Seldom do I raise my voice. In fact, I often mumble. Yet I'll "carry on a conversation"--OK, a monologue--with the old man whom my father and I (and my siblings) call "Egg Hauler." Or I may say: "OK, Lady, if you don't know where you are going, I can loan you a map." My children, as they were growing up, used to find that amusing. It broke up the boredom of the trip sometimes, I suppose. Somehow, talking to people who aren't able to hear me--and that might even be people who have been in the grave for so long, like my father--I find has a calming effect. I sort of remind myself that I cannot do anything about the person who is in their own world, with me stuck in mine. I have frustration and a bit of humor tied together in one package. My mother and husband, on the other hand, think it's foolish and annoying. My mother tells me that it makes her upset and nervous--it's not fair to the other person because "They may have had a bad day, and you don't know it." Of course, this is true. Yet I don't see that my frustration has anything in it that is going to communicate ill will to the other driver or change whatever is going on in their head. I accept this. Having two feelings at the same time--in this case, frustration and amusement which can all be mixed with a third even (ie. compassion as I choose not to act in anger or obscene gesture, being in total control of my own actions)--works for me. Now that I know it annoys some people, I can be a little more aware that they are having a single feeling (ie. anxiety) and choose to work on how I voice my feelings when I'm with anxious people. That would mean that I've added another new set of consciousness to the scene. And an acceptance that not everyone feels the same way I do. All without doing away with my awareness of the complexity of feelings about a rather simple scene. Even as I remember that the same is true, and acceptable to me, for much more complex issues than the egg-hauler in front of me for just a moment.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
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