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Wed 11/12/2008
For All Have SHAMED
Topic: Shame
Before the wheels of the plane had touched the runway near my home yesterday, I knew that I was going to have to do some more digging. Digging into the theological challenges, as well as the spiritual that Brene Brown's work raised for me. While her work on shame is not about religion--and she is clear about that--it is impossible for me to fully separate the theological from the spiritual aspect. For I truly believe that theologies of shame may be the greatest problem in our society. It was so refreshing to hear Brene say that she often has to re-write something that is being quoted in church, such as The Apostle's Creed. As some of you know, I've done that for years. Especially with songs. I even believe that it's okay to re-write Scripture translations. Or to even substitute words that the original writers might have used because of their limited or cultural understanding. OK, OK already!! I know some of you, especially Baptists, may be saying: "Enough already!" Could you just hold on a minute please? What if we understood "sin" as "anything that diminishes ourselves or others?" To me, that seems to work. As I look at the vast array of words, actions, and attitudes that are lumped into the tiny word "sin," it occurs to me that we might understand Romans 3:23 a little better by saying: "All have shamed and have felt shame. This universal experience keeps us from fully experiencing the glory of God." We can lump that with another of the top ten hand-picked favorites of so many who love shame-based theology. Romans 6:23. "For the consequences of shaming or being shamed robs us of life, but the gift of God is life that is full and rich and continues to resonate beyond the grave." Now, is anyone out there saying "AMEN?"
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Tue 11/11/2008
Shame Is Crazy-Making
Topic: Shame
With this entry, I'm adding a new category to the blog. It's called Shame. Not something that plagues some people while others are free of it. That's what everyone attending Brene Brown's conference should have learned this past weekend--unless they had a serious hearing problem. The event was her first national training for people wanting to learn how to utilize her work on shame resiliency. See http://brenebrown.squarespace.com/connections-curriculum/ for more information. The place to start, according to Brene is with ourselves. Increasing evidence of this was demonstrated with each new session. It was a shock to many of us who had thought we were rather resilient already! I found out that I have a lot to learn. It was a humbling encounter. Shame is a not a very acceptable topic. Perhaps because so many of us heard it used as "Shame on you!" while growing up. It is our responsibility to identify shame in ourselves, to distinguish it from guilt (which is a good thing, according to Brene!), and to be able to alter the degree to which we feel shame over time. Shame is universal. It's not something that happens just to people who are severely traumatized. That's a fact I find both disturbing and comforting. Maybe you will, too, as you hear more in the days to come.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Thu 11/06/2008
Away
This weekend, I will be in Houston. Travelling from Dallas with Renae Cobb, my virtual assistant for this site. We are going to be learning about shame resiliency. I'm hoping to have much to share with you when I get back to my desk on Tues., Nov. 11.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Wed 11/05/2008
The Fear of Leaving What's Become Comfortable
Topic: Making Changes
When teenagers even were given the privilege of occasionally visiting another internment camp, the "imprisoned" Japanese youth of the 1940's sometimes felt uncomfortable. Their worlds, built in just those three short years before they were allowed to begin returning to what was left for them on the West Coast, had given them the greatest sense of security. Captivity was familiar, in a way that it was for the captives in Egypt long ago, when they were suddenly allowed to go free--even if it was into the desert--to begin a new life. Like the children of Israel, the 19th century Japanese captives had little in their possession. And little to return home to. That was life for them in the "land of the free." It reminds me of what is psychologically ripped from the hearts and minds of most survivors who have experienced "imprisonment" without an acknowledgement of this, from the community of faith. The Japanese were essentially told that they were "welcome" to go back to their old homes. The fact so often ignored by others was that they had no status, no businesses, no property. It had all been stolen. They could not go back and be the people they once were. They were even afraid for their physical safety, and they certainly couldn't blend in, due to their stark appearance. Their fears were not paranoia. There was plenty of prejudice. It had grown immensely in a world where everyone had experienced some degree of trauma. They all had burrs up, even the people of highest character. For that's what trauma does to all of us, if left unresolved, without having a very clear picture of what is real and what is likely to be lurking nearby. When I think of what these people endured and how they managed to go on, I am in awe. What an inspiration! How did they even consider being kind to others who had not experienced what they had? How is it that most of them went on to push for American citizenship? Who would want to be a part of a land after such personal atrocities had been dished out? I wonder what kept them from saying: "America! It needs to just be destroyed! It's just full of a bunch of hypocrits that we can never trust!" The next generation got a little bit of financial compensation, provided they'd lived long enough. It didn't come until 1988, though, when "each surviving internee" was granted $20,000 and provided a national apology for a "grave injustice." Oh, that we recognize within ourselves the capacity we have for destroying others! Oh, that we recognize our capacity to overcome the destruction that others have put upon us, unknowingly or not!
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Tue 11/04/2008
The Pain of Rejection
Topic: coping
Today is election day in the U. S. Unlike many days when we sit around navel-gazing, and many think "we are the most important nation on earth," the world really IS watching us today. For it knows that so many things in their future can depend upon the decision we make, in choosing our next President. Please do not forget to go to the polls! Whoever gets elected, we must look to the future and get on with life. Even as we focus on the future, museums and stories from the past are important. They help us understand our deepest pain or longings. Richard "Babe" Karasawa, as a volunteer at the Japanese American National Museum (see http://www.janm.org/ ) , came to understand why he had always felt that he had to be an extra good American. It was driven into him at childhood. Not to be "extra good" came from the common syndrome of Japanese during internment. That of being a "rejected American." Perhaps, due to trauma of abuse in your past, you have come to share the feeling of having been rejected. That feeling was so frequently mine after being cast out for speaking the truth to my closest friends and colleagues. Perhaps it is what drives you to be the best you can be at anything you undertake today. Or maybe you've just given up and developed a mediocre set of goals. It can go either way. Or it can go a third, the way that is healthiest: Just be all you can be, in your own little world, without busting a gut in the process.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Mon 11/03/2008
For the Children
Topic: coping
Survivors often have to come to terms with not being able to do anything about the past. Even about having the past validated or acknowledged. Often, as hard it is, faster this can be realized, the faster one can build a personal future that's far different from the past. The Japanese parents who were shipped off to internments camps in the early 1940's, along with their children, knew there were many things they could not change. Their personal, property assets were ripped from them. Yet they were determined to give their children childhoods that were as happy as possible, filled with a sense of strong community, knowing how to cope when everything familiar is pulled away. They planted crops, established schools (even without furniture initially), kept things immaculate, and had dances. Demonstrating to their oppressors that they could not possibly take away everything. Each of us needs to take stock frequently, to live with gratitude, with our eyes on the things that really matter most for the future. Certainly not forgetting the children of today and tomorrow.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 7:44 AM CST
Sun 11/02/2008
When "Enemies" Go the Millionth Mile
Topic: Power
Have you ever noticed how often people who have been ostrasized or shamed, for whatever reason, end up going the extra mile to live by their ideals? Of course, it can go the other way, too. Certainly, even when the larger group of an ostrasized bunch of people stay true to ethical principles and values, a few people in the group may become violent or undertake illegal or unethical actions that can end up backfiring because the prejudice is simply increased as the group is conveniently stereotyped as being something that the majority in that group are not. This may have been the case with the Japanese who had sought citizenship previous to being shipped off through the internment program. The internment program, we now recognize, was totally absurd. Especially since it escalated after the U. S. victory at Midway (June, 42 or a full 6 months after Pearl Harbor). Instead of the temporary arrangements that took 1500 people from San Diego on trains to an unknown destination, without explanation back the previous April, the victims were taken to permanent internment camps in the summer AFTER Midway, when it was already nearly impossible to consider these people could be a threat in any way!! What is amazing to me is how the peace-loving people, many who had never set foot in Japan, continued to revere the soldiers, the U. S. A., and what it stood for. Despite the prejudice that had never allowed them to even become United States citizens! As a whole, the imprisoned innocents refused to abandon their belief system. They continued to love and support one another, and eventually they worked to become citizens. Perhaps many of them were able to do this because of people like Ms. Clara Breed--people who stood by their own principles and the treasured values that they shared with the victims. Perhaps someday our grandchildren will be reading about the Breed's of the early 20th century--people who were not victims, but empathized with those who were. That's true advocacy!
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Fri 10/31/2008
Freaky "Faith"
Topic: Aliens
Halloween Day is a good time to remember that this holiday is supposed to be about nothing but fun. It's also a good time to focus on how often we turn, or have been turned by others, into a "freak" when we speak the truth in love. The truth, as we understand it, that is. When it comes to doing so within the institutional church or to people who want to defend and protect the institution from facing the consequencs of it's past or present acts of discrimination and prejudice, we can very quickly find ourselves betrayed as freaks or monsters or even satanic! Good to remember that no matter what masks people place on the messengers, we know that the masks and labels are no more the reality of who we are than the trick-or-treaters coming to our door this evening. It's also important to remember to be careful that we do not put monster masks on others, too. For we do not know for certain what is in their hearts or behind their actions. We can only make an educated guess through the smokescreens of our own prejudices. Beware of the people you consider monsters or freaks. In the dark--especially right at dusk--we may fail to recognize that some of them are insecure children underneath the mask. Missing the opportunity to contribute to important changes that embrace the true freedom of Christianity. Happy Halloween on this tricky Friday!
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Thu 10/30/2008
The Exclusion Law
Topic: Aliens
Back to the World War II treatment of people of Japanese descent..... I love to study the journeys of oppressed people. They stand as warnings to me, as one of the privileged who didn't go through some particular type of oppression. Or as one who has known plenty of oppression myself. Either through personal infliction of persecution or discrimination. Or because I have witnessed it up close because of my connections with others who have. A couple of days ago, I wrote something that wasn't true in this blog. The people in this story were NOT Japanese-Americans. That's what their ancestors may be called today if they stayed and became American citizens. These people, back in the 1940's, unlike other immigrants who had come to America, were victims of an unjust law. It was an anti-Asian exclusion law. It was based on paranoia and bigotry--two factors that often go hand in hand, as I'm sure you've noticed. What arrogance! Bringing to mind some current issues in American policy today. Including heavy-handed treatment of people who are "profiled" so that they give up rights that the rest of us have, because of their association or religion or race. Clara Breed inspires us to befriend the oppressed and persecuted, in our speech and actions, whenever possible, refusing to rush to judgment. She reminds us to see the souls of the sufferers, not so that we can convert them but in order to comfort and protect the freedoms of all concerned.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 8:27 AM CDT
Wed 10/29/2008
Good Grief
Topic: spirituality
Getting news this morning of Wilma's death wasn't a total shock to me. My mother, who still prefers to write letters over all forms of communication with relatives, wrote of the failing health of her 90-year-old friend just last week. Wilma went peacefully, in the wee hours of the morning. She was alone in her room, in her own bed, with her older daughter sleeping in another room of the house. The news came in a very impersonal way, but that wasn't a problem for me. Her younger daughter, a very close friend in my growing-up years, somehow had my husband's e-mail address in her address book, instead of mine. Fortunately, he saw it and called it to my attention immediately. Wilma's death put me immediately into a process of good grief. She had a very good life, full of much happiness. And she spread that happiness to many. Her older daughter in a retired psychologist who does a lot of volunteer work these days. Her younger an outstanding professional pianist. Her son, the baby of the family, who was a dear playmate despite the fact that he served me right on one occasion in my teens, by holding me down long enough to rub Vaseline in my hair when I wouldn't stop annoying him, is today following in his father's footsteps as a very successful businessman. All are testaments of their mother's watchcare. Wilma had a voice that was like music when she spoke--even when she was firm or needed to raise it. She was a woman of great confidence in her ability to set limits, to the point that I would not have dared question those limits or do anything to displease her. Her death stands in sharp contrast to a lot of griefs I've sustained in my life when friends or family made decisions that had repercussions that brought grief of a different flavor. She leaves behind so many intangible gifts and an internal voice that will never die for me, as long as I live. She was one of several women who have helped to shape my thinking and the way I view the world. All of them such blessings! It's still grief I'm experiencing. Yet this is the Charlie Brown variety that has my heart feeling light and grateful.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 11:15 AM CDT
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