Impure Projection
Topic: Making Changes

It's my problem, and I've been trying to figure out WHY it's a problem for me.  Simply stated, I don't like generic terms to be used when dealing with complex problems.

That's why I asked, without being able to fully explain, that participants in last weekend's retreat refrain from using the words "healing" and "recovery."  They are good words, but so trite that they don't describe the specifics of what the speaker is talking about.  And the speaker may have a totally different idea than the listener.

Same with "forgiveness."  That's the word I call the F word, while I prefer to call "healing" the H word. 

Partly, because both of these words have been used as weapons so many times by people of the institutional church.   Used whenever the speakers want to see victims as sick or unforgiving, when the system refuses to admit that it is the one with these diseases, not the survivors who are speaking truth!!!  It's pure projection!  Or, technically speaking, very impure projection.  Sadly, so often victims--both primary victims and those who deeply love them--have internalized the warped meanings.   The results are self-inflicted wounds.

I've actually had some rather extensive training and experience in both nursing and writing.  Both of these disciplines have discouraged me from using generic terms as I prepare individual documents.  In nursing, those documents would be the elaborate care plans that patients never see, especially in psychiatric nursing.  My instructors (and later the inspectors)  would have required a thorough explanation of what outcomes I wanted to see in my patients if I ever chose to use "healing" or "recovery."  They would want me to describe the signs or steps I intended to go through in achieving this--to paint a picture of what this generic thing called "healing" or "recovery" would look like in THIS INDIVIDUAL, not in a general group of people.

Same goes for writing--we are supposed to always look for the most specific word we can find in order to create a unique manuscript that communicates ideas nobody else in the world has ever communicated.  Not that I always do that, but that's my own individual goal as a writer.

So, over the next few days, I'm going to be expounding on these thoughts that probably leave you somewhat baffled today.  Baffling is not a bad place to be.  It can get us thinking and out of our individual ruts--about all of the generic terms we've learned to accept as "good enough" when we fail to dig deeper than ever before.

R - E - S - P - E - C - T
Topic: coping

R - E - S - P - E - C - T   the song rings out.  I'm working on a re-write of that familiar tune.  Can't get it to quite fit the melody yet.  Maybe I'll find a way to keep the beat, but re-write parts of the melody.  When finished, it will sound something like this:

"R - E - S - P - E - C - T --

 That's what I don't need, you see,

 From those whose lack of integrity

 Caused them to lose all respect from me."

              When I have self-respect, I have everything.  When it wanes, then it's time for me to take inventory.

Watching and Waiting
Topic: spirituality

"Watching and waiting" isn't necessarily being passive.  Sometimes it's soul work. 

When I am so anxious or worried about others' ability to do something that I think is so important, I find it incredibly hard to wait until they decide that it is important.

I think this is especially hard for us parents and grandparents because we somehow believe that if we had just done everything right, then our children would be as wise as we think they should be at this moment.  We forget that they are individuals and that their worlds do not revolve around us or what we say or do, said or did.   Nor should they!

As they become increasingly independent, falling on their faces when we refuse to pick them up even if they are slow learners, we learn to let go of our desire to keep them both the innocent and the wise little souls that stay unshaped by others.  As if all wisdom resides in their mothers!   We learn to risk trusting them.  We believe in their ability to find their own answers, and make it their sole responsibility for doing so.  All while knowing that not everything depends upon us.

One of the problems of people who are overly dependent on outsiders, either spiritually or emotionally, is that these individuals come to believe they are incapable of being an important player in the shaping of their own souls.  Sometimes they learn this from their parents, who do not intend to teach them these things but end up doing so.  On a practical level, this means they become incapable of finding ways to take care of themselves.  The longer it takes for them to learn, the fewer easy choices they end up having as life goes on. 

As we delight in the things of this life, focusing on the abundance of good, despite the destructive forces that are out there, we are able to center on what we can and cannot control, to find our center, and then to be more responsible with the opportunities that come our way without holding onto the illusion that we are in control of the universe.  Even if that universe seems to be centered around one of the many complex issues in this world.  Or around just one individual, who may be capable of far more than we can imagine if we only let go of what we cannot change, forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect, and return to the most difficult work of all--that of attending to our own souls.

 

Remember Where Home Is
Topic: spirituality

Trauma and the shock that comes when we learn that our world isn't as simple as we thought it was yesterday seems to occur every time we turn on the TV.  It also happens in our everyday life when we try to solve problems.  For problems are often far more complex than we are comfortable with them being.

If "home is where the heart is"--or in a spiritual sense "where the soul is," then we can be at home even in the midst of the storms. 

The problem is that our souls often do not feel at home as they become MIS-shaped by external factors or thoughts that pull us away from the truth about ourselves. 

At retreat this weekend, I was constantly reminding myself, as well as the participants, that it is possible to be "at home" in the spiritual sense, being a part of God's creative process of rebounding, no matter what my circumstances.

The work of attending to our own souls, neither expecting nor depending upon others to bring us back to home, helps us cope with all we know and experience.  When we learn to be open to new information, while carefully sifting out what we want to take into the soul that we continue to shape for ourselves.  Or when we just patiently wait as we seek to be a part of finding answers for ourselves and our complex world, we are at home with ourselves.  

 

Time Out, Please
Topic: spirituality

Starting tomorrow, I'll be taking a break from the blog until Monday, May 5.  During this time, I'll be leading a retreat for women who will come together as strangers, united by the fact that they hold an immeasurable gift that the church has rejected--the gift of speaking truth to power.  The gift of teaching truths to those who see themselves as the spiritual authorities, yet cannot hold their colleagues accountable.   To the point that it is now often front-page news!

We will be seeking new insights into how to embrace the journey of living in Parker Palmer's "tragic gap."  Learning from one another.

My expectation is that we will all return with our cups over-flowing because of having been together, having found new friends in person.  This is the usual outcome of such retreats. 

You'll be getting some of that spillover next week.   Please hold us up in your thoughts and/or prayers.

Living with the Questions
Topic: Making Changes
All successful social activists, or anyone interested in facilitating change in our world, must live with a degree of comfort, where the questions are.   Welcoming more questions from others, as well as those that arise from within.   As thinking deepens, speaking is carefully calculated, moderated by well-defined feelings and intuition. 

Risk and Trust
Topic: Making Changes

As we speak truth, we do so because we have a degree of risk tolerance.   We also trust ourselves to be able to cope with the impact of the backlash that comes when we speak truth to people who prefer to live in DIM thinking (See www.takecourage.org/collusion.htm)

We are not trusting others to hear, though we hope they will.  Instead we are centered so that we can speak with boldness, even though we may be trembling internally.  In the deepest part of our souls, we each know that we are going to be okay even if nobody joins us.

No Such Choice
Topic: Power

Have you ever noticed how we all crave praise, but are prone not to want the responsibility that inherently comes with power?   So that we can so easily deny our power in order to avoid responsibility? 

 Think about it.  It's a very human trait, and none of us are exempt.   The greater the power, the greater the responsibility, whether the power is denied or accepted.

Disempowering Colluders--the FIRST step
Topic: Power

Janet Clark, author of Blind Faith, a novel about a young man who is dealing with sexual abuse by a priest and his family who is unusually supportive.  A lot of the story models that support for others and shows the value of having it. 

The Power of Freedom
Topic: Power

Even though I spent almost a decade in a country where there was no freedom of speech and only one newspaper was allowed to operate, it is so easy for me to forget about the power and privilege of freedom.

Then, something startling happens.  Like three days ago, when I received an e-mail from China.  I had just contacted a lady, asking if she was available to a survivor needing support.  The person in immediate need was located in a country relatively close to hers, geographically.

The lady in China replied cordially, but called attention to my attached e-mail that I had sent to her.  In it, words that referred to faith issues had been removed before she'd received it!  She had been able to read between the words that remained, but wanted me to know that e-mail communication might be difficult, considering the censorship of incoming mail and the lack of freedom that residents of China have to send anything about matters of faith, along with other "sensitive" material. 

A strong reminder that we are blessed if we have freedom.  Blessed with power and privilege alike.  How dare we squander either as we sit back comfortably, deciding not to take an unpopular stand when to remain silent is to sacrifice the integrity of our souls.