10. Sometimes I think I'm still very much in love with the man who abused me. Is that crazy? Or maybe a sign that it really wasn't abuse?

No, it‘s common. Mixed feelings are a part of the majority of abuse episodes. They are also a part of the collusion confusion. We very much love the people we trust. When they betray us, we cannot immediately discount all of the good feelings we feel or have felt toward them. In fact, that’s what often keeps survivors quiet and further confuses them.

It’s also what makes many colluders behave inappropriately. See the article on Treatment for more information.

Dee Ann Miller is the author of Enlarging Boston's Spotlight: A Call for Courage, Integrity, and Institutional Transformation (2017) How Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct (1993) and The Truth about Malarkey (2000)