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Thu 07/24/2008
The Excommunication Problem Gets Solved
One man, well passed middle age, impressed me at SNAP. He was one of the participants I'd last seen a dozen years ago at Linkup. This time he was smiling and having fun telling how he got free from the cloud of fear. It came the day the priest threatened to ex-communicate him. To which he replied: "Tell you what, I'll just save you the trouble. I'm ex-communicating myself." And so did his wife in the next breath. By then, of course, he'd come to realize that he didn't need to maintain a cordial relationship with any priest. Nor did he feel the need to have one around to hear his confessions. I joined him in the laughter and informed him that I understood fully. For those of us who grew up Baptists, I explained, communication has never been an issue. I realized almost immediately how funny this sounded and how true it had become in more ways than one for me! Of course, not having to go through any mediator to communicate with God has some definite advantages. As long as one doesn't fear that God. For me, that's not been an issue since I was a small child--fearing God wasn't a lesson that stuck with me very well. Maybe that's why I've found it to be a problem in my relationships with those who DO have that fear. And why communication seems to be a challenge for me now, especially with a lot of Baptists.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Thu 07/24/2008 7:45 AM CDT
Wed 07/23/2008
Words from Jason Berry
Topic: Making Changes
Jason Berry is an author and change agent who has often been quoted as an authority on clergy sexual abuse. He tells us that 1993, when abuse in Catholic circles, was featured with a 60-Minutes documentary, was the year that he sees as the hub of the movement. That was the year that I first heard Berry speak and gained respect for his voice of authority as a journalist. In recent years, he advised in his speech at the 2008 SNAP conference, we have reached a plateau. The Story is no longer really news, and it's much harder to bend the ear of journalists unless one really has something new to say. After all, old news isn't of interest to people, even if old news was never digested. It just doesn't sell. So it's not what drives the market. 1993 was, of course, the year that my first book mentioned on this site (How Little We Knew) was released. In a year that was considered to also be a pivotal year, followed by a plateau that followed soon afterwards, in regard to gender issues in the institutional church. Berry reminds us that it is always a moral requirement, even when it's not a legal requirement, for us to act as a strong voice whenever possible. He also cautioned people to avoid trying to be a voice unless they were fully prepared to speak as effectively as possible. To speak as people who come across as successful, sane, and strong. This is something especially difficult for survivors. For identifying oneself as a survivor may lend credibility in some circles, yet not in circles of power and influence. Sad, but true. That's why it is very important for those who speak or bring court cases to act with boldness and clarity whenever it is possible to do so. Yet, I would add, not to feel guilty if it isn't possible, for whatever reason, to be heard.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 2:02 PM CDT
Tue 07/22/2008
The Role of Conservative, Restrictive Theology in Collusion
Topic: spirituality
The paramount theme that runs through Joe Rigert's new book, An Irish Tragedy, is the role that is played by conservative theology in the secrecy pacts that make people even less likely to talk about abuse, especially sexual abuse. Especially when it happens in the most embarrassing place that insiders can imagine--inside the Roman Catholic Church, that sees itself so much as THE Church that even this Catholic journalist talks about "the clergy" as if it is only made up of priests! In such an exclusive "club," there are even more "reasons" to justify secrecy. Though many of these are shared with conservative evangelicals (ironically, I learned, the reason that Irish priests were given for coming to America was to evangelize!): The repression of sexuality in the larger culture of the Victorian times up until the 1960's was an issue wherever conservative theology was a strong influence. In Ireland, where 90% of the nation is still Catholic and the culture is strongly old-style Catholicism, that makes Ireland a close cousin to the Bible Belt of the United States! Another parallel was tragedy that encouraged the further repression of an honest, healthy expression of sexuality. For the U. S., in the late 19th century, this involved the big lies that came about to cover the enormous sexual abuse of slaves, while projecting the hidden problems onto the male slaves or African-American men who were emerging from slavery. During that same time frame, the potato famine that either took the lives or impacted the lives of everyone in the culture! That disaster sent many Irish survivors to the U. S., along with a lot of priests who came from the overflow of priests already in Ireland, where only those who were most desireable by the Church were retained for the limited number of posts in Ireland. All while the disaster helped cause the breakdown of families and drove sexuality underground where deviancy was allowed to flourish without notice as people scrambled for their basic existence! Now you can see the systemic, complex issues. As Rigert wisely points out, there are multiple contributing factors. Yet we dare not join the masses who have over-simplified both the causes and solutions--such as either celibacy or homosexuality as THE cause. Nor the total destruction of the whole concept of church. It is not the concept of church, but the institutionalizing of power and control that tends to circle the wagons and keep secrets--that's what must be kept in our minds as we wrestle with structures and theology, both of which have the power to protect as well as destroy. Yet only when the two of them are scrutinized far more carefully than most are willing to do. The question for the Church and all churches is the same as it is for each of us as individuals: How do we keep the good that lies within us, while throwing out the "bath water?" That's the age-old question, however we approach the elephants.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 8:25 AM CDT
Mon 07/21/2008
The Effect of the Irish
Topic: Power
Among the professionals who gave me much to think about at the SNAP conference, was a writer who is new to me. Joe Rigert, a retired journalist from Minneapolis. Joe is a devoted Catholic and father of eight children, seven of them from bi-cultural adoptions. From that background, he set out to explore the effect of the Irish on the Catholic crisis of sexual abuse in America. Wrote a book that brings me up to date on many of the issues since 2002. A book that illlustrates so well the collusion aspect and how various cultures have an increase in the likelihood or colluding. He shows how it is all tied together in systems, even taking it to the prolific abuse and sexual boundary violations that are kept secret in the Vatican! All while exploring why the heavily Catholic culture of Ireland has a higher rate of priest perpetrators (often who were transported to America in many cases, transferring the problems). Also how the higher rate of abuse due to sexual repression of the culture has contributed to the magnitude of the problem in Ireland, a problem that has spread worldwide. Not because of the Irish, but definitely the Irish give us a laboratory to study abuse and collusion in conservative religious circles. Joe Rigert is the author of this well-researched 2007 book; and the book is An Irish Tragedy. It's a must-read for all of us.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 9:41 AM CDT
Sun 07/20/2008
Obstacles
Topic: Making Changes
According to Victor Vieth, a very optimistic attorney with some good plans to virtually eradicate child abuse in the next century, one of the two main obstacles to achieving this are the resistance of professionals to report. Especially when abusers are their colleagues. From a survey of teachers that he quoted, only 11% of teachers say they would report a colleague for abuse! Even when they do, there's another very frustrating obstacle. The lack of expertise in determining what cases need to be investigated and how that investigation will proceed. How often I've run into that in nursing!! For more information on how training can be increased for various professionals, often with very little cost for the training, contact the National Assoc. to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Mon 07/21/2008 9:29 AM CDT
Fri 07/18/2008
When Life Begins to End
Topic: spirituality
Elisabeth Bennington reminded participants at this 2008 SNAP conference of the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." From the enthusiasm of the crowd, including some very upset advocates I met, a lot of people are going to be living some very long lives! Of course, life isn't measured in the number of days. It's measured more in the way we approach challenges and sort out what we can chance from the things we cannot. As we seek to stop beating down locked doors and screaming at the resistant, directing our voices toward the places that welcome well-researched material from voices that speak with authority. That's what Jason Berry told us. Sometimes the fewer words we use, the more likely we are to be heard. For people aren't deaf--not really--we are all just resistant to listening to noise that keeps sounding the same as the last. What's challenging is finding new ways of looking at the common things that are old news, even if those things have been rejected. Then finding new ways of addressing them. Or new ways of telling old stories, always moving on to new audiences, without grieving over the fact that many just don't have the ears nor the maturity to get what we are saying, no matter how we say it. Like good business people, we don't waste time grieving over lost customers or those who never came in our doors. We keep reaching out, knowing that there will be reception to the some things we have to say, in some places. Yet only if we lower our expectations and accept the likelihood of encountering a good percentage of resistance and conflict. It's just to be expected in this "kitchen" or any "kitchen" that is encouraging social change and paradigm shifts. For in these kitchens things are very hot--always.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Thu 07/17/2008
Sad Way of Seeing
Topic: Making Decisions
A victim attending SNAP this year said to me: "I already know everything I need to know. I don't want to know more." It was a strong reminder that this attitude isn't just in professionals who are unable to learn from people with more experience in looking at the complex issues. It's also there with a lot of victims. One of the ditches. It's vital that we all continue looking outside the box at EVERY issue in our lives. To see the shadow and the spots where we need to make improvement. When we believe we have "all that we need to know" about anything and aren't looking toward sources that challenge us, then we arrive where there truly is no hope. Learning and growing is a life-long commitment. One we must renew each day, whatever we are doing. The absence of this desire is to join the stagnation of the average person.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Wed 07/16/2008
Finding the Courage to Talk about the Spiritual Transformation
Topic: spirituality
It's a well-known fact with those of us who do this work.....victims and wounded messengers who have acted as advocates can become thrivers. Yet doing so inevitably requires one to have experienced the depths of despair at the inadequacy of their old "faith." They have come to a new spiritual maturity that transcends the need for institutions in the maintainance of that faith. Some choose to stay attached to institutions that show their own immaturity and self-serving traits, while also demonstrating a great capacity for serving others and slowly learning (in some situations) to do a better job at dealing with their own demons. Or they may choose to stay in order to be a "thorn in the flesh" and to have a voice that can still be heard bouncing off the walls, even if the message isn't discernible to most. Thomas Doyle captured this phenomenon so well. He was the speaker with whom I most identified. Doyle is a priest and canon lawyer who sounded a clarion call in the Catholic Church, just as I did in Southern Baptists, more than 20 years ago. He's written and spoken volumes about the abuse in Catholic circles. Some might think he has retained his old faith. Not so! He has kept important portions of it, however, as he has matured. Not the old theology, but some of the meaning that can be gleaned from gems that are still ringing truer than ever--like the need to be a follower in speaking truth, the need to have a deep relationship with God as we understand God to be. He spoke so eloquently and boldly the words that would be heresy to most people of any faith group except for the most liberal. I spoke to him briefly and later dialogued by e-mail, telling him that it was ironic that he and I had come to the exact same conclusions, from very divergent backgrounds! That's the beauty in this work. That's the community that is built, even though we come to the same place from very different paths. We meet as voices with clearer visions, working toward developing clearer ones.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 9:16 AM CDT
Tue 07/15/2008
Removing the Sword
Topic: coping
The most practical speaker at SNAP this year may have been Angela Shelton, a comedian, model, and filmmaker who is also an incest survivor. She spoke from her heart, sometimes had us laughing, even as every person in the room somehow identified with the "sword of trauma" that has been inflicted from the shock that abusers and colluders have placed through the very core of so many. For the majority of people at SNAP, that core would be synonymous with the "soul." Angela talked about the process of removing the sword. How it causes one to experience more pain and suffering the longer it stays and how the sword also causes pain and suffering for others as long as it remains embedded. She also showed the reality that so many have difficulty even imagining. The reality that, by confronting the trauma, doing the grief work, and finding ways to resolve the pain through the internal work of removing the sword, one can be freed from the entanglement with it, find healing for the wound. So that the unthinkable can occur. The illustrations that had been flashed across the large screen, always showing the sword embedded or being pulled out of oneself, were suddenly transformed into a person who was empowered because the sword was now useful. The sword, in other words, had become a tool. Not a tool that would be used to destroy others or attack others in anger or offensive behavior, but one that would become proactive at impacting the world in ways that the individual is capable of doing. Angela talked of exchanging the sword for tools that do not sabottage one's happiness nor treat others as enemies. Yet, instead, as a means for transforming ourselves and the world. Through the arts. Or perhaps just through healthy conversation as we seek to create communities that are healthier and safer. Communities that are full of soul.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Mon 07/14/2008
In Chicago
Topic: spirituality
Today, I'm returning from Chicago, where I've spent the weekend with a dear friend who has done a tremendous job of advocacy in a church there a few years ago. Along with another dear friend who is travelling with me and attending the same conference--the annual international conference of SNAP. I'll be back with a new vein of writing tomorrow. For much of this conference is about spirituality in spite of the trauma of abuse and collusion with it, dished out by people of the "faith" community. That I sometimes refer to as "the fear community." As always, conferences like this are more inspirational because of the people I meet who are attending. Even more than the inspiring speakers. See you tomorrow.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CDT
Updated: Mon 07/14/2008 10:48 PM CDT
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