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Wed 02/06/2008
It's Never OK
Topic: Making Decisions
It is vitally important that all of us live by rules that are based on good judgment. Judgment for the greater good. I'm frequently surprised at how survivors of clergy sexual abuse sometimes are prone to discard rules of civility, apparently reasoning that since "God's representative" broke the rules, then it's okay to do some rule-breaking in order to bring attention to the problems of abuse. Not that this is a universal or even a common way of thinking. It just amazes me whenever I see someone manipulating statistics, for example, in order to make a point. I see this as counter-productive, for no scientific mind or professional is going to fail to see through such manipulation. It may surprise you to know that the same occurs with breast cancer. You've seen the 1 in 8 figures? Nobody bothers to tell you that this statistic is based on a life expectancy of 93. Yes, if every woman lived to be 93, there would be a 1 in 8 chance of getting the disease. That number was thrown around over a decade ago, just as it is today. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the life expectancy for women in 1995 was about 78. These scare tactics have been successful in raising money and alarm, but undue alarm. Breast cancer is a problem, I can certainly tell you as a victim of the horrific disease. I want attention called to the problem as much as anyone. Yet does this justify the misrepresentation of facts? As an author, I've had some instances of copyright violation committed by people who were either survivors or professionals in the role of advocacy. The LAST place I'd expect to find such a boundary violation is in the survivor population. Yet it's there. Perhaps some would think I should not care. After all, the reasoning goes, you should be glad your work is being used. That's not the point! Boundary crossing is cheating, no matter how it's done. One can be cheated of time, money, reputation, or just an ability to make decisions that should be at the discretion of the one who was cheated. May we never cease to monitor our own behavior and conscience. It's never okay to cross boundaries, especially legal ones.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Tue 02/05/2008
When Power Has No Limits
Topic: Power
The gems in Henry Wienek's book, An Imperfect God, are just filled with an understanding of what happens when power has no limits. Gems that every person fighting oppression needs to understand. By examining the plantation world, we put power under a magnifying glass. It serves as a warning about the need for checks and balances in government and politics, even the politics of institutions like the church where patriarchy amd power abuse is far from being history. From p. 560 of Wienek's book: "In the plantation world there were few restraints on what masters could do, and evil expanded to fill the opportunities available to it."......"Swollen with power, they could do anything." The legal loopholes plus the willingness of the privileged white population to look the other way guaranteed the status quo, without accountability expected. Even if the evil was recognized as evil.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:22 PM CST
Mon 02/04/2008
So George Washington was caught over and over between his conscience and financial considerations that allowed him to keep “property” and power that he felt were essential for his survival. Of course, they were essential; but only essential for the survival of his way of life that came at the expense of other human beings. He was caught between his conscience and financial considerations. In an ethical double-bind. Repeatedly this “imperfect god,” as author Henry Wiencek describes Washington in his book An Imperfect God, wrestled with these issues. He struggled just as the younger John Laurens did. Yet Laurens chose the higher road of personal sacrifice for the greater good. Washington chose only to free his slaves in his will, after he no longer would have to make a personal sacrifice. He passed the buck. To the next generation. In his will, he placed a mandate that he hoped would be followed. What he lost, because of his unwillingness to turn lose of his human treasures on earth earlier, may have been greater than all that he gained from their service. He never saw the outcome of his decision. Death, as it does in every case, released the world from Washington's ability to ever again manipulate things in order to control anyone, including himself. For him, a person of power who had done many marvelous things for which he deserves honor, those results he missed seeing might have outweighed all of the loss of power. For that’s how deep spirituality works. It operates only when we are willing to go deeper into our souls and wrestle with old beliefs and behaviors that keep us locked out of growth and real joy. Preserving only what permits us to continue with the same process. Repeating that exercise over and over again.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Updated: Sun 02/03/2008 2:03 PM CST
Sun 02/03/2008
Talk VS. Reality about Freedom
Topic: Power
“Our decisions are not made in a vacuum.” Those are some of the words that I did not understand in 1987, but tucked away to think about later. Much later, after Ron and I sorted out the best possible solutions to terrific ethical double-binds placed on us by the agency that employed us. Such was the case in 1779, as early American leaders struggled with the first proposal of the Emancipation Proclamation. The proposal that failed. That’s another part of history nobody seemed to know. Another part that got left out of our history books, leaving us all so ignorant. One of the big issues, even in the writing of the Constitution, was whether “liberty for all” would include the slaves. There were too many people in power who needed to keep things the way they were, for the preservation of their own personal power at home! In other words, too many slave holders. Like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Do you see the parallels between this era of American history and the struggle in the power base of the institutional church right now? Over the rights of oppressed people groups, including survivors of clergy sexual abuse? If not, look a little closer. Just think a little harder. Not much squinting required.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 1:52 PM CST
Fri 02/01/2008
The Dilemma of Those Who March to a More Progressive Drummer
Topic: Making Changes
Most anyone reading this blog is likely to identify to a degree with John Laurens. Historians say he was an intensely idealistic young man for the Revolutionary War era. One of the facts that has been left out of traditional history books is that slaves were used in large numbers to fight in the War. Some enlisted with the promise of being freed for their sacrifice--promises that were seldom kept! John Laurens believed that slaves should be freed before they ever fought. His father, like many people of that day, said he believed that the slaves should be promised freedom that would be granted after the War, but not a moment sooner. The general thinking was that slaves could not be trusted to persevere, to finish the war efforts, if their freedom was not contingent on such devotion. So John abandoned that original plan, but not his passion. We might say that he lowered his expectations, but not his more idealistic dreams. Perhaps he just realized that his dreams were ahead of the time. All of this is what survivors and activists, fighting for any social cause, are forced to do because of legal constraints, society's resistance, or family pressures, etc. John moved on. He chose to apply his beliefs to the place where he held personal power. It cost him a lot to take a stand, but it seems he thought the stand was worth the sacrifice. We can only imagine how long it may have taken him to weigh the cost. The young man convinced his father to specify his individual inheritance in many fine slaves, rather than land or money. Of course, this gave him the privilege of freeing his slaves ultimately, refusing to consider or to treat them as property. This meant that John sacrificed a fortune. Some of you sacrifice your time to make a difference in regard to sexual and domestic violence. Some have the means to make financial sacrifices. And do. Others are willing to be ostracized in order to have a voice in resistant communities and institutions where the Good Old Boy/Girl System still exists. Thanks to all who can identify in any way with John Laurens, for whatever reason.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 7:42 AM CST
Updated: Fri 02/01/2008 7:49 AM CST
Thu 01/31/2008
Making Music, Making Sense
Topic: music
It's beyond me. I don't know how to explain to you what I want to say today, about the lightbulb that turned on in my head late last night and again this morning. It's related to music. It's also very MUCH related to the idea of collective memory, our subconscious, evolving thought, all of that ying-yang. Last night in the middle of a lesson, using a book I've only used with this one rather advanced student, I saw something another student had been trying to TEACH me a few years ago. Problem was, he half knew what he was talking about. And like most of us as students, he believed that I, as his teacher would surely know more about it than he did. He wanted me to help him understand the part he didn't understand. I couldn't even grasp what he was asking me to do. So I did what was safe, but not good teaching technique--I took him back to my own familiar territory. The former student is now 88 years old and in a nursing home. I'm going to see him today, partly because I want and need to see him and partly because I can't wait to tell him what happened last night. I'm hoping he's up to getting up to the piano today. Maybe we can learn together! Somehow, I think this is very much the way we sometimes wander through life, picking up pieces that later fit into the puzzle that we weren't even able to grasp earlier--back when we didn't even understand the question, much less the solution. This morning, bright and early, I sat down at the keyboard and began playing familiar, rather simple tunes in new ways. Because that's what my student from years earlier, the one I was supposed to be teaching, the one who had never had more than 2-3 lessons when he came to me, was trying to teach me. Isn't it amazing how life comes full circle?
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 9:29 AM CST
Updated: Thu 01/31/2008 9:32 AM CST
Wed 01/30/2008
Collective Memory
Topic: coping
Collective memory is a term that refers to a group or family or people of shared experience who share common memories. African-American mothers, for instance, back in the days of slavery often had children who were the products of rape or sexual exploitation from their masters. They were forced to bear the children and to raise the children, knowing that they were really a part of the mass production of people that would be used for the slave master's benefit. The tragedy that is often forgotten is the on-going result of these horrible acts of terrorism and power abuse. Those children that were a part of the very blood and sinew of those mothers, the victimized women often turned on. They hated what their bodies had produced. Especially if those children were treated, as they often were, by the masters with special privilege so that they were even brought into the master's home as special servants while their mothers remained victims. What a price to pay! Psychologists sometimes wonder if the collective memories that were shared, but often not even processed, among the slave women victims were passed on into the culture as unspoken attitudes or psychological damage effecting many of the heirs, in bits and pieces. Thereby effecting African-American culture in ways that are needing to be further explored. If only we could open up the channels of communication more for the survivors, several generations removed. Not just in African-American culture. For all Americans would have remnants of such stories roaming around in our larger collective memories or behaviors that have effected us because of others' memories. Because we need to re-write the narratives into a reality that allows us to overcome the effects of collusion throughout our culture. And throughout our religious institutions, as well. Gets me thinking.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 4:44 PM CST
Updated: Wed 01/30/2008 5:47 PM CST
Tue 01/29/2008
A Marathon Test
Mood:
 crushed out
Topic: coping
Nothing ever prepares us for a sudden death. There is no good time to schedule it if we even could. It's always a wake-up call, and it certainly was for our family. Nancy was only 3 years older than me. She basically dropped dead last week, leaving our three grandsons with only one grandmother now. That would be me. Ron and I did our best, these past few days, to be there for the grandsons, especially. I wept with them, and snuggled the younger ones in my arms longer than usual. They all seemed to feel a part of my skin and vice versa. Yet I can never fill Nancy's shoes and don't expect to. She was the one who loved parties, elaborate birthday cakes, giving expensive presents, and crafts. I'm the one who loves museums, games, simplicity, and music. My tendency to over-function (the equivalent of "increasing") is finding it's limits more and more, as I age. Nancy and I shared that tendency. Her death reminds me of how quickly I could be taken out of the picture and just how quickly life could go on without me as others are forced to assume new ways of functioning and coping. After 9 days away from home, at a very inconvenient time to leave, I feel as if life has pulled me apart. Or crushed me down to almost nothing. In reality, it boiled me down so that I can see what I'm really made of. To see my strengths and vulnerabilities. My abilities and limitations. To re-evaluate so many things. Most of all to treasure the routine that grounds me spiritually and emotionally and keeps me on stable ground. It feels so good to be home again, to have my space, to be able to take care of myself, to stabilize my own blood pressure, knowing that the still small voice within me, the voice that comes from my very soul, the voice that was there before I was born or even created, the voice that is a part of every one of us, that voice of God as I understand God to be, has helped me to find my way through this latest storm. More than anything else it has reminded me that taking care of myself and teaching others to do the same is the first essential of life. Because of the storm, I will learn and grow. Not just survive.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 8:18 AM CST
Fri 01/25/2008
Taking a break
Dee is taking a few days off from the blog due to a death in the family. She hopes to return to posting by the end of the month.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
Thu 01/24/2008
Getting the Narrative Down
Topic: spirituality
Back in 1924, Rockefeller had a dream that the era of the Revolution would be honored with the establishment of a national park at Williamsburg. For years, the era was glorified in the same way the history books had written the narrative. Problem was that the narrative was found to be wanting as historians found the courage to challenge it. So in the 1970’s, the truth about slavery began to be interspersed with the traditional narrative. With much public resistance, as you might expect. At one point, even a mock auction was carried out. One time only. Not again because the players themselves, both black and white, were so overcome with powerful emotions that it was evident that it would be too difficult for the actors. Perhaps too difficult to even find actors. So, if we cannot revisit a scene, even knowing full well that it is just a re-enactment, how can we possibly convey unspeakable horrors. I’m not sure we can. And this brings up another question: If we can’t convey the horrors fully, is there a possibility of ever changing our understanding of the past? Or re-write the narrative so that it reflects the truth, in both spirit and fact.
Posted by Dee Ann Miller
at 12:01 AM CST
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