Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest, wrote an important article a while back. http://sojo.net/magazine/2010/07/boys-dont-cry
Rohr writes about the difficulty that men have in expressing feelings, especially sadness. He contrasts this to the richer inner life of women in a world where women have more inner choices while men have more outer choices.
What he had to say is complex. It weaves in spirituality, inner emotional conflict, and the problems of violence. He points out that all of us lose when we frame the world's population in terms of "winners" and "losers."
The most important question he raises, in my opinion, is one that will keep me thinking for a long time. In referring to Jesus' death on the cross, he asks:
How do we dare to worship a “loser” and yet so idealize winning?
My immediate answer is that Jesus wasn't a loser, except that he lost his earthly life. What would yours be? How does this compare to your own experiences of losing? Can we be both winners and losers at the same time?